My name is Luca (for those who didn’t already know). I’m a gay transman currently living with my da and younger brother. To say the very least, my family situation is not so great. I suffer from depression and anxiety (yes, diagnosed, I take meds daily) and a thyroid condition. Things are only getting worse for me at home.
Tonight, I had to take a forty-five minute walk in the dark just to keep myself from OD’ing on meds. Even still, I almost considered standing in front of a moving vehicle. I am terrified of what might happen if I am forced to stay in this place for too much longer.
Unfortunately, I’m trapped. You see, I have no license, no car, and all of my documents list my birth name and that wretched little “f”. My only chance for escape is coming up at the end of October when I take a planned birthday trip to see a friend.
I have someone willing to put me up for a couple of days but after that I need somewhere to go. If you live in or around Philadelphia, I could really use your help. My doctor and my psychiatrist (the people who keep me on my medications and make sure my body is functioning properly) are both located in the city.
I can get myself to Philadelphia via Amtrak which would put me at the 30th St station. I would need you to either give me directions or to pick me up there. I won’t have much stuff and I might be a little scarce in the financial department but I’m more than willing to work for you (cleaning, organising, whatever you need done around the house) until I can find a job.
This wouldn’t be a permanent arrangement but just something to help me get myself settled and away from the mentally damaging house I’m currently in.
If you can help in any way, please send me a message. I’d really appreciate it.
Reblogging myself for signal boost.
Seriously? Another one?! And we aren’t even part of that fandom (yet?)! We do not need more visitors, alright? Nine was enough.
I think it’s time we parted ways. It’s not that I don’t love you - I do - but I think my mental health needs to start taking a priority. Now don’t think that I won’t miss you. This is what’s best for both of us. We can still be friends, right?
I guess I should say now that it’s not your fault it’s mine. And that’s the truth, okay? I’m an emotionally unstable, incredibly needy individual with little to no real self esteem. I got way too reliant on you to build me up. That’s my job, not yours.
Anyway, I’ll give it until Sunday. That’s my two months on T day and also a good day for making changes. I’m sorry we couldn’t work things out but I’m sure you’ll see in time that this was all for the better.
PS If you need me, you know how to reach me. I’ll still have Facebook and Skype and my blog and e-mail and stuff. I just…don’t think right now is the best time for us to be together like this.
- 1: Real (first) Name?
- 2: Current crush!?
- 3: Addiction?
- 4: How tall am I?
- 5: Relationship status?
- 6: Girls I trust?
- 7: Boys I trust?
- 9: Current mood?
- 10: When was the last time I did something for the 1st time?
- 11: Confession;
- 12: Who I miss?
- 13: Who I last hugged?
- 14: Who understands me?
- 15: Someone who is always there for me:
- 16: Last Text?
- 17: Who’s a stranger:
- 18: Who makes me laugh the most?
- 19: Who I do the craziest stuff with?
- 20: Who makes me smile?
- 21: What am i listening to?
- 22: Turn on’s?
- 23: Turn offs?
- 24. Bestfriends?
- 26: Second confess?
- 27: What I hate?
- 28: Who’s annoying?
- 29: Favorite sport?
- 30: Last person to give you butterflies?
Yesterday was my grandparents 45th anniversary and my grandma was like “if I had killed him 20 years ago I would be out of jail by now” and that basically sums them up
My mother is from a pretty big Italian family and her parents are not exactly the picture of a happy couple. She’s always said “For Sicilians, divorce is the easy way out. Stay married and you get to torture them for the rest of their life.”
I am wicked fucking honored. I don’t think you guys have any die just how awesome this feels. Seriously, just being able to watch him do this, it means so much. The fact that he finally has this stuff and can really be doing it and going through to really become who he’s supposed to be. It means a lot. Honestly. He doesn’t understand why I care so much, but it definitely fucking matters. And just being given the opportunity to be “with” him while he was doing it… I feel great.
First ever live Skype session of Manhood Monday
It was AMAZING. It was adorable but adult. Intelligent and juvenile. If you want a romantic comedy, I recommend this movie.
I second this
bad bad bad bad
my old myspace profile picture
I had to try for myspace and the only one i found was my narutard one…
sCREAMS I DOTN HAVE MIDDLE SCHOOL
BUT HERE’S 9TH GRADE
so here is one from a highschool play
i am the one who looks intensely skeptical in my ruffly bonnet
i also couldn’t see shit because i wasn’t allowed to wear my glasses
there’s no way you guys are ready for this. are you ready for this? because this was waaaaaay pre-transition.
I’m the one in the middle:
YEAH THAT’S ME IN 8TH GRADE CHECK THAT OUT HOLY SHIT i can hardly look at this
in comparison, me now being my true dudely self.
2009 me, way pre-transition
If you aren’t following Lauren, do it now. ‘Cause she’s awesome
So this morning, I was physically prevented from leaving the house.
I wanted to go speak to the hiring manager at a local McDonald’s, then visit a friend. My mother intervened before I could leave, physically getting in my way and forbidding me from leaving the house except at her say-so. In case you were wondering, I *don’t* have her say so.
I would also like to take this opportunity to briefly discuss my mother’s abusive history. My mother and I have been locked in a power struggle for a very, very long time. Our relationship has always been one of abuser/abused: gaslighting, mocking, beatings and scratchings, shaking, and constant yelling and nitpicking are a common, weekly thing in my house. My mother attempts to exert as much control of me as possible, and that includes letting me think that I have room to breathe before yanking my “leash” back. She has refused to get me medical or dental care, even though my dad wants to help me: I have what may be PCOS, and a tooth is rotting in the top right corner of my mouth. She also believes that my depression and anxiety issues are bullshit, because “everyone gets sad.” When I’ve tried negotiating with her calmly, she frequently pulls a “you’re hurt? What about MY HURT?” and doesn’t let me go further, nor offer any sort of solution beyond me being a perfect daughter. Which, by her standards, I will never be.
But I’m writing all of this now because today shook me awake. I NEED to get out. I haven’t been able to find work, and I have an overdue phone bill which means I may lose my primary ability to get out and STAY out. It doesn’t help that I now have frequent panic attacks, have trouble sleeping and lack the energy to get up in the morning when I can finally close my eyes. And living in this house has been hell.
I *get* that a lot of people in my corner of Tumblr don’t like me. But I am asking for as much support, potential donations and referrals to resources as I can get, from anyone, because it is finally too bad for me here. If you:
- know of domestic violence shelters in New Brunswick, NJ or NYC
- know about free clinics or therapy in central NJ or NYC
- know about the process of getting welfare and food stamps in NJ
- are able to donate (all funding is pretty much going to getting me the hell out of this house, then my phone bill, then a dental visit - in that order)
- can’t donate, but wouldn’t mind helping me cast my net out wide
Please contact me/reblog. Donations can be sent to firstname.lastname@example.org via PayPal, and I can be contacted there as well. I can confirm my identity if needed, although the circumstances that are pushing me out make me REALLY skittish about putting my first and last name out too frequently. My parents are computer-savvy, know that I have a Tumblr (although they don’t know what url I am) and will start trawling the internets once I disappear.
Thank you so much. I’ve just hit my rock bottom and I need as much help as I can get to crawl out of this okay.
- A. If you could get away with one murder in your lifetime without any legal, social, or emotional repercussions, would you kill someone?
- B. What is your first thought when you receive a message on Tumblr, are you excited for the idea of someone from potentially the other side of the world wanting to talk to you or fearful that someone will criticize you?
- C. Have you ever looked down on someone because you thought your religious views were superior?
- D. Would you rather know everything the universe has to offer but in exchange lose all emotions or remain the way you are now?
- E. If you could live and be healthy without sleeping or eating/drinking, which would you cut out of your life?
- F. If you could take on the exact body and form of anyone else on Earth, who would it be?
- G. Would you rather burn or freeze to death?
- H. If it meant it would solve all world hunger, war, disease and bigotry, would you spend the rest of eternity in Hell?
- I. Was the first crush in your life something you had or something someone had on you?
- J. Could you live without having sex ever (again) in exchange for eternal youth?
- K. Have you ever watched a full length pornographic movie?
- L. The Beatles or The Rolling Stones?
- M. If you could have the ability to manipulate matter or energy, which would you choose?
- N. What was the worst nightmare you ever had?
- O. Would you rather spend one year with your one true love just to never see them again or the rest of your life with second best?
- P. All the sequels/remakes/adaptations/rip-offs in movies nowadays, good or bad?
- Q. Would you rather be dirt poor and emotionally fulfilled in life or be rich beyond imagination and emotionally dissatisfied for life?
- R. Do you have any (secret) feelings of bigotry to any group of people?
- S. Would you rather be the only person in the world that can read minds or have everyone else in the world be able to read minds except for your own?
- T. If everyone in the world would automatically only know one language, which language would you choose?
- U. If you were old enough and not in a situation where it would be inappropriate, would you sleep with one of your (past) school teachers/professors?
- V. A world without religion, good, bad, neutral?
- W. The men's rights movement, legitimate cause or laughable, and why?
- X. You can eliminate one of your five senses to substantially strengthen the others, which one and would you do it?
- Y. Do looks mean anything to you? Don't lie, could you fall in love with someone you thought was ugly?
- Z. Can you understand the mindset and logic used by the opposite spiritual opinion? An atheist understanding the belief in a higher power and vice versa.
When you follow someone and they follow you but you never talk